Sunday, December 13, 2015

Bajirao - Mastani Preview (Aka Bhansalis 'Bajirao Bhankasam')

Mee Bajirao boltoy....Shrimant Bajirao Ballal Bhat urf Pehile Bajirao Peshawe. Mala 300 warshannatar swargatun parat yeun bhashya karnyasarakhe karan ghadale - Itihaasat 250 warshanpurvi ek totaya peshwa houn gela. Pan tumchya mumbaitil mayanagari madhe ajun ek totya peshwa ghadawtana and 'Nat-tana and Nach-tana' baghun rahawale nahi ani mhanun ha shabda prapanch. Ani Maharashtratilch navhe tar Bharatamadhil saglya prajela samjel 'ashya bhashet' ithun puthe ani thodkyat....

- I was appointed as Peshwa at the age of 20 and I served the position for 20 years till my death (aged 40) 
- So I am known as one of the best battlefield experts in the history of India  
- Yes I fought 11 big battles (41 in total) in the span of 20 years and won all of those and defeated the unconquered Supreme Mughal Emperors in most of these battles. 
- Incidentally I was instrumental in expanding the Marathi Empire beyond Maharashtra, India upto the borders of Afghanistan (Attock)
- And I volunteered to become a warrior, became a battlefield expert while I was appointed as a Pradhan (Prime Minister) wherein not only by the bestowed duties but also by caste, I was supposed to be only performing rituals in the safe and leisurely confines of temples and homes etc. 

So while I was on the mission to expand the empire and was 'out on the road' almost through-out the year, do you 'guys' have any idea, how the life was for me? I am known for having my meals while riding on the back of my horse!! Reason - I couldn't afford to lose time (I know you guys have your fast foods while driving the 'mechanised horses' these days... but it was different and difficult back then, when our LIFE was at stake every moment and the mission was not about delivering a packet, a pizza, a software, a report, or a movie like this-one being attempted on me?) So while the time was so 'crunch' and deliveries having a very 'tight schedule'; can you imagine me behaving in a way like 'walking on a ramp, shaking the booty, dancing with my military troop, and using words like 'wat lavli' while worshiping deities like 'Malhari'? Totally insane, ISN'T IT? Also BTW I heard from the 'public' that this 'masterpeice of a song - Malhari' is actually stolen from the forthcoming ABCD 3 (on the lines of 'Hey Ganaraya') !!

I heard there is already a lot being written about the two songs 'Pinga' and 'Mastaani' in the so called movie made on me. I don't want to comment more on that. But it hurts even for a DEAD MAN and for someone at the stature of BAJIRAO PESHWA - Because you are abusing, diluting and ill-baselining the great personalities and events in the History. Continuing the same thread from above, my mission always was to expand the Marathi Empire, not with the intent to build lavish palaces and gardens in Pune or Maharashtra, where I can leisurely spend my 'vacations' amongst many of my Queens, Mistresses, Courtesans, in-short 'Girl Friends' (like shown in the movie). I was never self-indulged like Romans, Mughals and Brits and most of the other Emperors in the History, but lived a modest life, even after being conferred as 'Hindu Pad Padshaha'.

About the romantic scenes between the male lead and the two female leads (actually the 3 'models', as can't call them Bajiro, Kashibai or Mastani). Would Bhansali like a biopic on HIMSELF when his father and mother (being played by say - Ranveer again as he is the superstar of fake biopics, and Sunny Leone - just taking cinematic liberty) are shown enacting how Sanju-baba was born? I mean enacting how they are 'doing things' creatively to emphasize why Mr. Bhansali is so talented, and can create movies having full of Cinematic Liberty.... Not right, isn't it? - Because the romance between them and also the Historic figures has to be behind the walls and not to be portrayed in public - Off course even if it's a reality. 

Now coming back to the movie called Bajirao Mastani made by Mr. Bhansali. So I'd first congratulate Mr. Bhansali for innovating a new genre in the history of movies, called as 'Fi-Hi - Ficton History' :-) Non-realistic fairy taleish (or vampire taleish?) very loosely based on the Historical characters with the intent to make cheap quick money. I'd rather regard the movie as 'Bajirao Sanjay Leela Mastani Bhansali' where Bajirao is Mr. Sanjay Bhansali's Mansaputra / Mind-son and rest all the other family members in the Bhansali family. Or like i mentioned in the beginning, this is for the second time a fake Peshwa has returned from the battle of Panipat. And this time definitely a fake one without even needing any experts to test his purity / originality.

My concluding thoughts: I just hope (As I can't warrant in this era of Hit -and- Run -and- Escape -and- Honor) for 2 things: 
1. Mr. Bhansali should sincerely apologies and also put a readable text, which will appear before the Titles, and will also show up across the length of the movie on the screen stating 'This is a work of GRAND FICTION and if there is any relevance to any living or dead, please consider it to be a GRAND MISTAKE and not just a coincidence'.
2. One of these like an Ashutosh Gowarikar or a Subodh Bhave or a Nachiket and Jayoo Patwardhan (or their next-gens - '22 June 1897' fame) get an inspiration after knowing (I am sure they wont't even watch this) about this fake movie, and make a movie titled 'Bajirao - Sikandar of India' OR 'Ajinkya Bajirao' etc. which will amplify my real credits to the Indian History than very trivial personal aspects of mine or anyone's life. 
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If you have a lot of free time!! on 18 December / next weekend, and if you dare to watch, you can watch 'Dilwale' :-). But instead IMHO watch a DVD of a Sholay, a Home Alone, An Oceans -if you are a big movie buff, and if you can't step out for a jog, a trek or a game of shuttle etc. 


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